We don’t call it fake. We call it “entertaining”.

 

 I watch many news programs. Many of which my friends and family feel I’m about 30 years too young to fully appreciate. (I will meet Charlie Rose one day!). On a day to day basis, cable news is watched by millions of viewers. All of them claim to be the correct, most watched, and most ethical. They all discuss what they feel is the “news” of the hour. Ranging from some random woman being kidnapped in Kansas, to the President secretly scheming with Karl Marx loyalist to change the national language to Swahili, to Glen Beck convincing the world it needs to sell all of their gold to purchase chili bean futures. It always cracks me up. It reminds me of my father walking into our family room when I was about 10 years old as I watched professional wrestling, with his serious tone of voice saying “You know it’s staged and fake right?” 

 I find myself saying the same thing when I walk into the lion’s den of Fox News at my in-laws. I also repeat when I’m walking through a local “art district” that complains of fascist news talk radio. With the tone Christos Verros passed down to me I repeat…

 “It’s all staged!”

 It’s business. Not news. If you think of it as pro wrestling, it’s much easier to swallow and much more enjoyable.  Think of Roger Ailes as Vince McMahon. He has to create a good show to bring in ratings that in turn, will bring in advertising dollars, which will allow companies to present their products to the viewers that are tuning in for a good slobber knocker.

  Bill O’Reilly is Hulk Hogan in this story. O’Reilly’s character on Fox News is a “traditionalist”. Hogan’s Character in the 1980’s was also the red, white, and blue standard bearer. “Work hard, say your prayers, and eat your vitamins” the “Hulkster” reminded all of us “Hulkamaniacs”. O’Reilly added “say Merry Christmas” somewhere down the line. Every main event interview has a battle between good and evil with the Fox News world champion always finding a way to defeat the villainous ways of the anti American left wing establishment.

 Sean Hannity is no doubt “Mr. Perfect” Curt Henning. If Mr. Hannity walked onto his television set tossing a white towel behind his back and smacking chewing gum out of the air after he spat the gum into the sky, it would not surprise me at all. He truly is the “perfect conservative”.  Reminding us that if you believe as he does, you are truly a perfect American.

 Glen Beck is the new guy on the block. Signed away from a rival wrestling organization, correction, “news network”, Beck has all the vigor and tenacity of a Stone Cold Steve Austin. He’s not your traditional character. He’s a libertarian which to most Fox News viewers sends their brain stems into a quick quiver when any word starts with “lib”. Beck has an unconventional style compared to his fellow superstars, he has weaknesses. A recovering alcoholic Mormon that wants us to build bomb shelters and has a doomsday complex? Awesome! If “Beck 3:16” t-shirts start showing up at Tea Bag rallies I want a percentage of the gross revenue generated.

 I could continue. Believe me. MSNBC is as close to Ted Turner’s World Championship Wrestling of the early 1990’s as it gets. If Keith Olbermann isn’t the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, I’ll start eating fried bologna sandwiches tomorrow!

 It’s well written. It’s entertaining. It’s the 21^st century’s version of the news. We really shouldn’t be surprised. We all thought Andy Rooney was funny at the end of 60 minutes with his commentary. But in 1978, nobody thought “Lets give Rooney 28 minutes and Cronkite can wrap it up with something intelligent or witty.”

 Times have changed and I guess styles in media do also. I have no alternative to current structure of the cable news product. All I’m saying is don’t be surprised in the near future if in the middle of a broadcast, Lou Dobbs takes over a report wearing a mask and carrying a steel chair.

Under construction. But aren’t we all?

Well,  as the late Richard Jeni once stated “Here I am! A big steaming pile of me.”  For the past couple of years, I’ve been reading many blogs. Like anything, some are very good, some are very bad, but most are average.

And there it is. That word. “Average”. Dictionary.com defines the word “average” as:   ”Noun- a typical amount, rate, degree, etc.; norm”. Many words in the english language annoy me, this particular one annoys me more than the 700 club or fat free ice cream.

When did it become acceptable for average to be an edict for a generation? So many times I hear “Well, that’s just how it works around here.” or “That’s the way he/she is.” It makes me ill that the american human spirit of the 1950′s and 60′s have been replaced with snuggies being sold on the home shopping network.

Each individual in the United States is asked the same question when they are a child. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. A lawyer, doctor, astronaut, and athlete are usually blurted out. Nobody ever states “I want to be a shipping clerk at the local hardware store.” Somewhere along the line, our drive for excellence makes a pit stop at the Flying J truck travel plaza.

This blog will have a theme. Me. That’s all. I will rant and rave about how narrow minded people upset me, while at the same time, be narrow minded myself. I make no promises in regards to politeness or expressing my concern of the lack grace and class.

I am above average. Some people will think that’s an elitist statement. I guess that makes me an elitist.  And if you’re not that’s ok. I’ll take a box 3/8 inch nails from behind the counter please.